I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
