I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
