I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
