ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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