he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
