its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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