We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
tell me about the eggs
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