I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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