Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
