May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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