we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
