I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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