Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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