It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
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