It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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