We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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