I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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