Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I need moral support for this bender
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
