at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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