you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
