Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
