I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
