if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
