Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize