Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
