they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
