I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
