You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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