I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
