Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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