Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
