I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
