someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
