4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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