I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we have pet lesbian snakes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
