And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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