I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
