I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize