after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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