I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
