I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize