Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
