it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
