you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
