I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
