im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
