May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
