just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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