Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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