I'm gonna have a badass scar
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
