This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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