Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
