Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
