I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
