i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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