Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry lil_sizzle hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(305): View more from Florida

Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.

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(317): View more from Indiana

He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death

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(248): View more from Michigan

If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.

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(+61): View more from Australia

She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?

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(516): View more from New York

my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.

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(630): View more from Illinois

How did I end up in some random dudes car?

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.

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