You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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