apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
