Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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