Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
