omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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