Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize