Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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