Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im holly from the hills drunk
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
