I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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