I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
