wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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