Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just want nice things and good sex
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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