he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
