Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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