Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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