he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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